Why, hello everyone! I haven't blogged in seriously what seems like an eternity! I don't even know where to begin. It has been pretty freaking busy in my world. As a matter of fact I don't think I've blogged since my trip to Walt Disney World in January with my friends!!! We went to Disney for a little over a week and we all had the time of our lives. For those of you who don't know this trip was also my very first time on an airplane and my friends were completely thrilled that they got to be the ones to introduce this to me. The night before we left I was pretty nervous and ended up taking my anxiety medicine which tends to many me a little bit loopy. Most people would say "get some rest" or "stay calm," but my friends had a blast with the fact that I pretty much was crazy! Apparently, I claimed to be a pretzel in a pretzel warmer and swatted packing peanuts into a laundry basket... No clue. I don't remember. Then I managed to survive a two and a half hour lecture from one of my friends (who happens to love and be very educated with planes). I started by just doing the typical "uh huh" responses, but he must have caught on because he began to quiz me so I was then forced to pay attention. The plan ride turned out to not be as scary as I thought, but I don't like going up, coming down, or turning... (is there anything even left to like?!) I mean I guess I described it as not comfortable, but thanks to my friends I survived! We had a phenomenal time at Walt Disney World and I can't wait to return "home" once more. (Random side note: my favorite feeling is walking into EPCOT).
Senior year has been... senior year. Full of fantastic bitter-sweet moments and memories that will last a life time. We are now one month from graduation day and it's all starting to set in. I'll turn out alright and I'll survive that much I know, but I have my moments. I have my moments where I sit in my room and look at all my Disney stuff and all of the things that make me feel at home and I just cry. I feel stupid because I do it, but I do and it's who I am so I'm not going to be ashamed. I cry because... because I'm scared. Scared of the unknown, scared of leaving my best friends in high school even though they claim I've taught them well. Scared of going into the real world "alone" and scared of leaving what I know as my life. I'm happy where I am, but I know in my heart it's time for me to move on. I think one of my biggest fears is that I'll leave and people say that they will call me often and never lose contact, but what happens when they get jobs, or they go to college. Where will that take them? One of my friends could potentially be moving to Florida or California and as absolutely thrilled as I am... that scares me too. In three years my freshmen friends will go to college--- where will they choose to go? All of these questions cross my mind day in and day out, but I need to trust that whatever happens, happens for a reason. Its going to be difficult, but this next month I'm going to hold my head high and enjoy/celebrate my last month of high school.
Gosh, what else to I even talk about... so much has happened and so much continues to happen. Tomorrow marks my last state solo and ensemble performance, but for me that performance connects the best of both worlds. Brandon, Jonny, and I will perform an Alto Saxophone Trio as my last event... ever. Yes, that's right... two seniors and a freshman. I don't know a better representation of my position (helping the freshman). Brandon and I have worked for this trio and some could argue that we pulled Jonny to the top, but I'll stop right there and say that those people are wrong. Brandon and I didn't pull any weight but our own. We taught lessons and made memories, but not once did we have to force practicing to happen or tell each other to "know our parts." We all knew in our hearts what needed to be done and so we did it, and now we are here. Last week Saturday I went to UW-Oshkosh for my state solo performance (due to an accompanist conflict) and I received a rating of a 2 for a performance that I should be "incredibly proud of." Was I disappointed? Kind of... I mean yea, but no. My band director explained it the best. He said "Think of it like a ladder, you start with a 5 at district and you earn all the way up to a *1 --- then, the ladder starts over and goes beyond that where at the state level you start with a 5 and could potentially earn up to a 1." This representation helped me realize exactly how far I have come and I couldn't thank him enough for this great analogy.
We will see how things go for now and I know I'm missing plenty of topics that have occured in the past 4 months, but for now...
Keep Calm and Visit "Home"
Where ever that may be for YOU!
A.B
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