I've talked about it many times before and to be completely honest, I'll talk about it many more times in the future. Many people in society claim to be "afraid of the dark" or "afraid of bears/ghosts" or something along those lines and although I may be afraid of some of those things too, none of those rank as my "biggest fear." My biggest fear (at least right now) is the future... I know, it sounds stupid, but it's not. I don't necessarily think my fear is a problem or abnormal, but I often question if there is anyone else out there that fears the future just as much as I do. Many people argue that moving to college and beyond is/was one of the best things that happened to them and because of this I don't want to live my life channeling the "best part of my life" into a tunnel of fear. After all, as my wise friend once said, "All fear stands for is false evidence appearing real." This quote will stay with me in my collection along with many others, but recently I've taken the time to reflect and think about WHAT I'm actually afraid of. What part of leaving is the least comfortable for me? Shockingly, upon my reflection, I came up with an answer. This answer (depending on how well you know me and your position in my life) can we interpreted many many different ways. None of these ways are either right nor wrong and this is because there is only one true answer and that is the one in my heart.
As much as I'll miss it, I'm not afraid of leaving Seymour, Wisconsin and I'm not afraid of leaving Seymour High School (the place/building itself), but what I wholeheartedly fear is that I will lost contact with those I love most. I know, I know, I can hear what you're thinking... "you'll make new friends don't worry" or "I'll call you all the time...." here's the thing... I don't want new friends. Now that sounds awful. Okay, let me rephrase that I want to meet new people and become friends, but I want to add them to my current friend group, not change my realm of friends altogether. Also, to comment on the calling me while I'm away thing... of course I want my friends to call me! I better get phone calls!!!! I want to stay in the loop! As a matter of fact, I already intend to plan out people who are going to call me after I've moved in (and my parents have left me at college). I need people and I need support and that will never ever change. Here is the one issue I have with that... I trust all of my friends I really really do, but there is going to come a point when they are going to get used to the fact that I'm not by their side every day at school. Are they going to fall victim to other people they meet taking my place? THIS, my friends, is what I'm afraid of. Going away and being replaced... and the thing I'll miss most? The people. For sure.
Let's get this straight. People doesn't just mean friends. I'm also talking co-workers, my parents, my friends, my teachers, my band director (and student director), my neighbors. It's going to be change and it's going to be different, but I know I'll make it through and I just to put all of my faith, trust, and pixie dust (yep, I went there) into my friends and family and I know we will all be just fine!
Thanks for tuning in to tonight's rant on my biggest fear... the next episode will be posted later or whenever I get overwhelmed about this topic again :)
Keep Calm and Visit "your future"
Where ever that may be for YOU!
A.B
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